Yes but no, no but yes!

Matthew introduces us to a part of life that we feel and experience probably daily. What is the integrity of our words? Do they matter, or perhaps more importantly, do people take what we say with a grain of salt, or know we are good for our word?

Matthew 21:28-32  “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’ “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. “Which of the two did what his father wanted? “The first,” they answered. Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.  For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.” I like how the Message puts it.

“Tell me what you think of this story: A man had two sons. He went up to the first and said, ‘Son, go out for the day and work in the vineyard.’“The son answered, ‘I don’t want to.’ Later on he thought better of it and went.“The father gave the same command to the second son. He answered, ‘Sure, glad to.’ But he never went.“Which of the two sons did what the father asked? ”They said, “The first.” Jesus said, “Yes, and I tell you that crooks and whores are going to precede you into God’s kingdom. John came to you, showing you the right road. You turned up your noses at him, but the crooks and whores believed him. Even when you saw their changed lives, you didn’t care enough to change and believe him.”

We know people who quickly say they will do something, then don’t. We have also been on the receiving end of someone who says no, then later goes and does what they said no to.  Which is better, or which is worse? Perhaps what Jesus was getting at was the integrity of a person isn’t always by what they say but by what they do. We are excited about something and jump in with both feet before we consider the cost. Halfway through, we lose the excitement, find we weren’t prepared, and drop the ball.  Dropping the ball isn’t just about not finishing what we began; it’s about our integrity. Can we be trusted?

On the other hand, there are times we say no, walk away, and then later start thinking about what we should have said or done, and we change our mind. I tend to look at what I can or can’t handle and decide not to add more gravy to my mashed potatoes. Then as I am eating them, I find that I could have some more, and it wouldn’t be a problem. I know life is more than mashed potatoes and gravy, but often we fear we will be overwhelmed, so we step away from serving, loving, or doing. Our excuses are well thought out and frequent!

So what did Jesus mean by the parable? Which is better? To say and not do, or to say not and then do?  It’s about people who want to look the part and not live it. The diversity Jesus was speaking about was both religious leaders and those who were excluded. The religious leaders made it look like they were serving. Yes, I’ll do it, my hand is raised, here I am, watch me commit. Then, they back out the door no one sees and are gone—Flash in the pan, but no fire.

Those excluded, the outsiders, don’t make a fuss because no one cares if they exist. But their heart is ever thinking, wondering, and they see the good to do and go do it without fuss, fanfare, and attention-causing gestures.

For me, the biggest takeaway is the change of heart, which leads to a change of action. The heavenly Father accepts my running back to his arms after I have said, “no” with love and acceptance. It’s being real, not artificial. It’s being true to the heart rather than trying to impress others with hands raised and signs printed declaring “I am going to do this”, then copping out. There doesn’t seem to be repentance with the one who didn’t do what he said he would. There was repentance in the heart of the one who changed his mind.

Another takeaway for me is pride. Am I too proud to admit I am in over my head when I start volunteering for things because someone asked me? Will they think less of me if I say not? Much of our culture seems to be driven by pressure to produce. Just do it, like the Nike commercials, doesn’t always mean it’s prudent for us to do, but to avoid finger waving and name calling, we say we will do it. Then, life happens, and we don’t follow through.

Obeying is more than just nodding. It’s follow-through. Jesus wants us to think about our words and our actions. When we say we will do something, we should follow through in obedience. But he also gives us the chance to obey when we have walked away. That forgiveness is open arms for the one who obeys.