The pendulum swinging of Self-Control.

I don’t remember when I first heard the song, Self Control. “Self-control is just controlling myself. It’s listening to my heart and doing what is smart. Self-control is the very best way to go, So I think that I’ll control myself.” That was a popular song from the Music Machine back in the 70s. The kids sang it in Sunday school, and we did the musical in church. It was a cute song. Except, it’s not true. There is no way that I can control myself. I have tried.

Self-control is the ability to control oneself, such as emotions and desires under challenging situations. That’s according to Webster. How do we define ‘self-control’ in a spiritual focus? A Christ-centered heart will exercise restraint, including our words, thoughts, and actions. I can’t. I have tried. I can’t control myself. I can put duct tape on my mouth, walk in circles outside to cool off, I can change the surroundings, and find new friends, but controlling my ‘wants,’ I, Marette, weak-willed and emotion-driven, can’t control myself.

What God has taught me, is that I can, with the Holy Spirit living in me, change the way I look at what I want, what I think I need and make ‘self’ go to the back burner and put God’s agenda on the front burner. Or think of it this way, I sit in the back seat and let God have the steering wheel and the GPS. With the Holy Spirit helping me, I can even resist from being  a back seat driver. It’s not easy, but it’s doable. By myself, self-control is just about impossible. With the Holy Spirit, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthened me.” Phil. 4:13

So, thinking of self-control, what would be the opposite of self-control?  I compare it to a pendulum swinging from indulging in what one wants or the lack of saying no to oneself to being controlled by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, we yoyo between the two because of our human wants.  Often, we give in to what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. That is like living with holes in the walls of our lives. Stuff creeps in, well, forget creeping in; sin walks right through the gaps. Proverbs says it quite simply,

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Proverbs 25:28

The Message version says, “A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.”

I travel a lot. I like doors and windows in my hotel rooms or Airbnb. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel safer that way. People will feel safer around me when I practice the control the Holy Spirit puts within me to be kind, talk less, act with a plan, and put others’ needs before my own. When I look at others through the lens of Jesus, my ‘self-control’ will be different than just trying to control my whims and desires by covering them up or trying to outsmart our humanity.

Peter was impulsive. With Jesus’ help, Peter grew up spiritually. I am waiting to be like Peter, grown up and not pulling my sword out, whacking off ears, and spouting out whatever comes out of my unfiltered mouth. Peter’s lack of self-control gave him a front-row seat to learning from Jesus how to, with the help of the Holy Spirit, feed his sheep without Peter always being the main event. In 2 Peter 1:5-7, he tells us,

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection”

Peter is giving a math lesson. Adding means increasing. It’s like building blocks on top of each other, and guess what’s in the middle: self-control! When we let the Holy Spirit help us say no to what we think we want and say yes to what God is asking us to invest in, we stack Godly character traits in our hearts that leads to loving others the way Jesus did.

Daily, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me close doors and say no to things that aren’t what God wants for me. I, by myself, try to control myself; well, I am pretty much a pendulum swinging.